Counsel’s Table: Left with a perplexing meal

By Russell B. Selman
Katten Muchin Rosenman • Restaurant Critic

I never wonder, “Why am I here?” When I go to Brasserie Ruhlmann — the reason is to stare at beautiful people in a beautiful room.

Yes, this is a restaurant too, but the food is not enough to make me return. I go to BR to have a martini, talk, and avoid the horror of being home.

Situated on the ground floor of the former Montgomery Ward headquarters, BR is monumentally scaled. Really, like a walled city with banquette tables at the perimeter protecting the chattering classes within. Large mirrors reflect everything and nothing seems “everyday.”

So I had the right mindset to eat — I was truly receptive to enjoying my meal. I was ready, but BR was not.

The most not-ready choices are the meats. The Porterhouse for two was a gristly dis­appointment. I chewed and chewed, waiting for the meat to transition into the soft, rich cake-like flavor of my dreams. Instead, the Porterhouse is a damn shame and, at $82, it ought to be illegal.

The pepper steak was hardly better — it arrived as a hunk of meat looking as lonely and eerie as an Easter Island head and was just as tasty.

There is so much wrong with BR meats that it’s really perplexing. How can a Chicago restaurant go wrong with meat? It just doesn’t make sense. We practically have great meat hanging from every lamppost in this town. Just like you cannot re-heat a soufflé, Mr. Ruhlmann, you cannot serve such duct-taped meat scraps. You’re in Chicago now and, yes, we know the difference.

The food really left me deflated. I hunched over our slightly too-low table, which, due to an oversized base, left no room for my feet and caused me to sit like a sumo wrestler trying to reason with a goose. So, I had another Grey Goose Martini and began to appreciate the atmosphere, if not the protein.

Have a few drinks, maybe a few raw oysters to add some rectitude to an otherwise liquid meal, and enjoy BR in all its splendor. Just skip the meat.

Pleadings:
Brasserie Ruhlmann
500 W. Superior St.
(312) 494-1900

Court costs:
Appetizers $ 8 - $20; Entrees $20 - $40

Verdict:
2 gavels